I'm with her because I'm afraid to be alone. It's the honest truth, I really am. My last relationship really messed me up. The kind that seriously makes you question your self-worth, but totally not in that emo "I fucking hate my life" way. Just the "What the fuck did i do wrong this time??" way. That's why I jumped head first into a string of drunken one night stands for instant, yet empty, gratification; chased after a girl with no end result except for the feeling of having just run in circles for a couple of months like I was dog chasing my own tail; and now being with someone who failed to mention a while back that she had gotten back with her boyfriend while we were still together.
I know I don't trust her anymore, and probably never will. And I know nothing good will come of this but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy the attention and much needed affection I get from her, no matter if it's temporary. And it doesn't involve much trust. The point is that I'm having a great time, just being care-free and enjoying myself. And then when it ends, it ends. But until then, don't mind me when I disappear for days at a time. It's just me trying to find myself again, somewhere in between the sheets with her, lip-locked and all that jazz, and in between all the fine lines and fine cautionary print you find at the bottom of the contract you sign when you sell your soul to the devil. I'm figuring out who I am with my ex out of the big romantic abstract picture that is my jumbled up love life. It's like if Pablo Picasso tried to paint the notion of love during his cubism period (If you dont know what that means, then look it up, lol). And if all this soul searching ive been doing and plan to keep doing involves a lot of hot, premarital sex, then so be it. But it's not like we're into whips and chains or anything. That kind of S&M latex shit is reserved for couples and old married people. And THAT, involves a whole lot of trust. LMAO.
