the worst thing about exes and past lovers is that they know you, so they know how to push your buttons even more... shenanigans.

for those of the romantic disposition

Notte Sento (English subtitles) from napdan on Vimeo.

"The way you're moving in your sleep, the way you look before you leap, the strange illusions that you keep, you don't know but I'm noticing..."

This Modern Love

"I'm desperately desperate to be desperately in love. I'd give anything for the feeling all over again. And I mean anything. I'd give all my worldly possesions. I'd give up every single word that comes out of my mouth as a sacrifice to whatever god or gods or diety that rules over the concept of love and the ability for the human form to be enamored by it and with a fellow human form. I'd betray my eyes and relinquish the possibility of ever seeing the stars again just for one moment of it. Because I know one moment of the warmth you feel deep down inside, that feeling of unequivicol bliss, would be enough to stretch and last till the end of time. I'd make myself a martyr in the name of love so long as I died in its presence. I'd give all this and anything else love would deem as a proper offering, because to live with the absence of it is the worst kind of torture for the soul."

I want it.

I would love to have sex with her. The kind where we break furniture and need a couple bottles of Gatorade kind of sex. The kind where the lust is so palpable, that you resort to having sex in the conference room at work, or the bathroom stall of a restaurant, or right then and there on the table in your foyer/hallway because you cant even wait to make it all the way to the bedroom to have it. The sex that people write about and the sex that people have yet to write about. The sex that makes you scream god's name during pure ectasy because you have to pay hommage to him for making it feel so damn good that it makes your toes curl. The kind of sex that has stopped or started many wars. Love itself isnt the only thing to blame for the downfall of countless civilizations. Love was an ingredient, but it wasnt a complete recipe without that lust and the promise of the most unbelievable sex one has ever had. There's a reason why sex is so taboo sometimes. Because it can feel so damn good that you almost feel guilty for even having it. Hence the term "guilty pleasure". Thats the kind of sex i want to have with her.

"You can speed it up, you can slow it down, you can even freeze a moment, but you cant rewind time. You cant undo whats been done..."

finally

im feeling free.

=]

Sex education

nobody on their deathbed looks back and says "i wish i had made love less."

so when stella came onto me again for the umpteenth time, i finally succumbed.

i met her earlier tonight at our usual spot.
and we had the same conversation like we always do.
we argued over the finer points of office politics

and compared differing philosophies on relationships and sex.
but there was something different mixed into the atmosphere we created in the dark confines of our leather clad booth.

the sexual tension was more palpable then usual.

we often keep the mood flirtatious and lite.
she knew i had my heart set on a particular girl back home.
it barely stopped her from coming onto me a couple of times.

but i always waved it off and deduced it down to her acting out over her ex boyfriend.

and i didnt want to just be another notch on her belt.

however, tonight was definitely different.
she giggled as her right hand slowly crept its way onto my lap
while i whispered my half of our conversations into her ear.

by end of the night we were drunk with laughter and fat with glee.

as we made our way towards our obvious destination i tried to rationalize it all.

maybe this is why god made women like stella.
she wasnt a slut, she was just the luscious voice of promiscuity.
and i was navigating her intense sense of sensuality.

so we made love.

but we didnt make love the way they do in the movies.

where the guy slides right between her legs like a hot knife through butter.

this was real life.

we made the kind of love where you just laugh together when your bodies make that farting noise when air gets trapped between you.

or when youve made it to the edge of the bed and you have to stop to make an akward shuffle back to the center, or just fall off of it altogether.

no, we didnt make cinema love.

but it definitely felt at that moment like everything was right in the world.
and i could articulate why sex is so great.
that feeling of that velvet axle grease makes you know youre on the correct path to that unimaginable bliss that people always talk about, sing about, write about, make movies about.

our transcended infusion was not of the romantic type.

there was no deep seriousness or any kind of cosmic connection
it was just, fun.

quando

i want to be free.

not with my head in the clouds.

or constantly falling...

i just want to finally hit the ground

and hit the ground running.